Howard Stern's New Contract: Lie #5 - He Can't Retire

Finally, we reach the last and most ridiculous of the lies about Howard Stern's options when his contract with Sirius runs out. After coming up with all sorts of silly excuses as to why Howard has to take a big pay cut if he wants to continue to work for Sirius, various press then jumps to a final ridiculous conclusion:

5. Howard Stern can't retire because he loves the publicity. "he won't give up his bull horn."

First, I don't think this is true. Howard has frequently admitted he loves attention and adulation and that might be because of some childhood traumas or just surprising self-honestly. He was able to focus this desire into his work and his "delusions of grandeur" made for a lot of funny bits. (Particularly his mocking self-comparisons to Jesus.) But after twenty years of worship by the assembled masses of Howard Stern fans, I think he's over it. He's been pretty focused on specific accomplishments, got huge radio ratings, got labeled a "hero" for saving a guy's life, got great television ratings, a number 1 movie, a best selling book, a huge record album with him as a rock star, etc. Once he's accomplished a specific goal, he rarely goes backwards to repeat it. He's done just about everything and I think he could very comfortably retire without blinking.

Moreover, if he did retire, it's unlikely he would lose the spotlight even if he wanted to. Fans would continue to swamp him for decades after he retired. He would still be asked for interviews and speaking engagements. He would still be hounded at rock concerts and big events whether he wanted it or not.

But let's say, for a minute, Howard still does have some need for a bullhorn or need to be worshiped by fans. If that was true, the BEST thing he could do is retire from Sirius in particular and radio in general. First, Sirius doesn't have the audience that traditional broadcast radio did, and secondly, radio in general doesn't have the audience that television and films have.

Howard has been very successful in both film and television. Unfortunately, he can't make 500 million in either. Even the biggest stars make a heck of a lot less. But if Howard wanted, he could be on a weekly sitcom, or have a guest starring role on Law and Order in about two seconds. In film and television he would seen by a lot more people than are currently listening to him on Sirius. He could have supporting or lead roles in major films, and reach millions more. He could write books and promote them, or put on a series of rock concerts and sell out every stadium.

If any of that sounded like too much work, he could be a frequent guest on talk shows and reach all the fans he wanted. He could probably get a highly featured spot on major news channeland talk about politics, if he cared. He could have his own MTV show, and ogle pretty girls from a lounge chair. He could run his own American Idol and have massive ratings and influence.

The grind of doing a daily radio show, the best daily radio show the world has every known, prevents Howard from reaching as many people as he could if he devoted his celebrity to self promotion. But Howard, like a lot of people, likes the money. The money he can make in radio, is huge. And he's going to get it in his next deal, if he wants it.

Or he can go in film and win an Oscar. That might be something that would interest him.